Alone Page 8

  'Sorry Sir, didn't know you were down here. And besides, this lightweight kicking mule started it.' I said letting out a sly winking smile in Anna's direction. Anna nudged me back.

  So Ian was our leader or our captain perhaps.

  'How you ever became a chief engineer is beyond me boy.' Ian replied shaking his head while letting out a sly grin.

  'He'd be more at home as chief monkey back home at London Zoo.' Anna smirked. I pretended to chuckle at her remark, before flicking her ear with my thumb and forefinger. Anna in return kicked me painfully in the shin.

  'Owe! That was sore you bitch.' I said rubbing my shin while hopping up and down.

  'What are you guys down here for anyway.' Ian said growing impatient with our child like playtime antics.

  'Monkey boy's just helping me stock up on some medical supplies before we settle down into our pods for the journey home.'

  'Well.' I interrupted, '...Only because every single one of my duties are well up to scratch sir. So I thought I'd show a bit of brotherly love and help out my adorable brat sister for a bit.'

  Ian turned away and headed back inside the room he was working in.

  'What are you up to Sir?' Anna enquired.

  'Ah, you know, just doing some manual checks before we go into hibernation mode.'

  'Well don't work too hard Sir.' I said trying to be polite but sounding more cocky.

  'And keep that one on a short leash will you.' Ian replied frowning. I barked playfully like a dog. Ian frowned and Anna slapped me on the back of my head.

  Next thing I remember I was back up on the first floor of the shuttle with Anna again. I was helping her carry some small crates of supplies into the medical room. I placed the crates I carried down onto the floor for her to sort out herself later.

  'Thank you so much for your help monkey boy.' Anna said smiling.

  'You're welcome doctor do-little. I'm away to grab a quick shower.'

  I turned to leave the medical room when a clean shaven Mark entered. He looked very cheerful.

  'So how's it going gorgeous.' Mark said glancing over towards Anna.

  'I'm good thanks, darling!' I replied cheekily before Anna could get a word in. Both her and Mark smirked as he cuddled up to Anna from behind.

  'Hey bud!' Mark said. 'Glad I caught you actually. Do you fancy a quick game of air-hock before we hit the pods?'

  'Sure! I'm just gonna grab a quick shower and snack first. I'll be fifteen minutes okay.'

  'No worries' Mark turned back to Anna wrapping his arms tightly around her. For some reason I delayed my exit at the doorway. I felt happy in this particular moment just watching, smiling, being happy for my beautiful sister. I knew in this moment that she was so in love with Mark and he was so much in love with her. The feelings of joy and happiness swelling inside me were overwhelming. I was truly, truly happy that my sister had found this... this love and comfort in her life.

  'So how are you doing?' Mark asked Anna.

  'I'm fine. A little tired that's all. Just want to get into those pods and back home already you know.' Anna replied as Mark gave her a long and loving kiss on the cheek before gently rubbing at her stomach.

  'And how's our little Mini Doctor?'

  'He's about the size of a fat frog.' Anna said smiling happily.

  'The first baby to be conceived on another planet. This boy is going to be bigger than clean drinkable water.' Mark replied proudly.

  'Hey, could be a girl you know.'

  'Okay this girl then or boy.' Mark corrected himself.

  A baby! I fell into an even greater state of shock. She had a little, living, breathing tiny life form growing inside her. I couldn't believe I was only remembering this now. Oh Anna! Was this the reason she felt so sick all of those times and holding her stomach in discomfort. My sister has a baby inside her.

  I turned and started to make my way out of the medical room.

  'I'll leave you two love birds too it then.' I said finally leaving with a huge grin on my face.

  'Bye, bye Uncle David.' Mark and Anna replied in unison. I felt so happy. Everyone was happy. Where the hell did it all go wrong? I couldn't help but wonder.

  Next I remember coming out of the shower room wearing only a towel around my waist. I walked slowly along the corridor towards the computer room with the gigantic viewing window of space and beyond. I remembered that we used to call it the 'Main control room.' It wasn't as dark as it was now. It was so brightly lit with intact and undamaged flashing computer screens dotted all over its interior. I paused outside the control room doorway glancing inside. Steffi sat working away at one of the computers. She was alone and utterly engrossed in what she was doing. I grinned slyly and sneakily made my way inside. She looked so taken with her work that she had no idea I was even there. I was quieter than space itself as I approached her from behind. Finally, when I was close enough to her, I grabbed her around the waist giving her the biggest fright of her life. She jumped hard, almost out of her skin. She looked so startled as she turned her frowning face towards me.

  'I had a feeling you were going to do that at some point.' She said letting out a wry smile.

  'Just trying to give you a little fright that's all. A little distraction away from all this hard work you're doing lately.' I replied grinning.

  'Well I'm a hard girl to shock and please. You should know that by now Davy boy.' She said as she turned away back to her work.

  'How about if I drop the towel, would that shock you?' I said mischievously.

  'I prefer my sausage rolls long and meaty David, not short and shrivelled thanks.' she replied grinning again while trying to get back into her work. I pretended to be insulted by letting out a deep sigh. I then casually dropped my towel onto the control room floor right beside her.

  'Jesus Christ David! Ian or any of the others could walk in at any minute.' Freaked Steffi as she spun around on her chair to face me.

  'Relax! Ian's still down in the cargo bay and Mark and my sister are having some lone time together.'

  Steffi climbed off her chair and crouched down to pick up my Towel, wrapping it back around my naked waist.

  'Come on Steff! It's not like you haven't seen it before.'

  'I told you to cool this shit off now David until we're back home okay.'

  She was clearly getting more angry and annoyed by the second.

  'Okay, okay! I'll hold off! Jesus.' I said as I raised my hands for dramatic effect and backed away. Steffi sat back down on her chair again and turned to concentrate on her computer screen. I felt in a playful mood though and reached over playfully pulling at Steffi's hair.

  'Come on David! Please, I'm trying to work here.' She replied becoming more and more agitated.

  'So when are you planning on telling him about us anyway?' I asked changing my pulling motion through her soft dirty blonde hair to a gentle stroke. Steffi stopped what she was doing and let out a deep sigh. She turned back to face me.

  'Look David! Let's just leave this for now all right. At least until we're back home. I mean what the hell good is going to come from any of this by bringing it up with Ian now?'

  At this point I remembered feeling so hurt and rejected. Like the realization had finally hit me that just by listening to her tone of voice, just by watching her negative body language towards me, I knew that Steffi would never truly be mine. She'd had her fun with me on this voyage and that was that.

  'You're not going to leave him are you when we get back home?' I said coldly.

  'Just wait until we're back home David okay, please! Let's talk about it then.'

  Steffi sighed. I crouched down to face her anxiously. I wanted to be eye level with her for this. I felt I needed to be serious with her if I wanted to win her over. Maybe she was just tired of my immature playfulness.

  'You know I love you don't you?' I said. Steffi remained silent. 'Do you love me?' I continued. Steffi remained silent for even longer. It was an agonising wait. Finally she spoke.

&nb
sp; 'Why are you making this so bloody complicated all of a sudden, why? We had a good thing going here on this trip didn't we? We fulfilled our needs and desires when we couldn't get them from anywhere else. Why do you want to ruin the memory of that?' Her tone was filled with such callous intent.

  'I just wanted you to know how I feel that's all. I want you. I want to be with you when we eventually get back home! '

  Steffi started shaking her head.

  'Jesus Christ I think about you all the time Steffi and it's driving me crazy.' I knelt down onto one knee. 'Marry me?'

  Steffi exploded but in a controlled rage as she tried to keep her voice down.

  'Are you serious David.' Steffi snapped. 'Really! What the hell is wrong with you? We were meant to be having a little bit of fun, that's all. A little bit of no strings sex. That's what we agreed! And now you want to get fucking married? Has someone been tampering with your oxygen levels?' Steffi continued with a look in her eye that said there was no hope at all for any of my love to be returned. Steffi had rejected me. I had declared my love for someone who I thought I could be with forever. I felt at the time she would want to be with me in the same way too... But she had shot it right back into my face.

  'Wake up David for Christ sake. I AM married. I don't want another fucking husband in my life. One is more than enough.' She was even more annoyed. But was still speaking in an angry whisper. I remembered feeling gutted like a fish! Savagely gutted, speechless in this moment. I remembered how only moments before I had been feeling so joyful and happy. Like I was completely invincible after declaring my love. Now I was falling deep and hard into the pits of darkness and despair.

  Steffi finally turned away back to her computer screen, back to her important work.

  'Please... just go David.' She said coldly. I was still on one knee, frozen in hurt by her words and rejection.

  'I... I don't know what to say to that.' Was all I could muster and mumble from my lips.

  'Please, just don't say anything more to me now okay. Just go and get ready for your sleep and we'll talk when we get home.' She replied without even turning. I couldn't stop myself from persisting any further to find out the reason behind her hurtful rejection.

  'Why are you saying these things now? After everything we've done together. All those times we've been with each other?'

  'Because...' Steffi turned furiously to face me again. 'You keep pushing this and pushing it David. I thought if I could just wait for us to get back home then I could just... I don't know, perhaps not see you for a while once we go back to our own lives and our own cities and eventually we would just... forget all about each other.'

  'You don't want to see me again? Ever! Are you kidding me??' I was completely distraught. The dark pit of despair was never ending.

  'That's the way it was always going to be for me David! Jesus, I can't believe we're even talking about this now.'

  Steffi pulled at her hair in frustration. 'Yes, I wanted to see you again. You were a good fuck. The sex was good! Really good! But that's it!'

  'I was a good fuck... that's it.' I said lacking all emotion in my tone.

  'Why do I sound like the man here David? You're the young fit alpha stud. I was suppose to fall for you. I'm the one who's ten years older. You were suppose to be the one who told me that we wouldn't be seeing each other again once we got back home. You were suppose to be the one to break my heart.' Steffi continued.

  I heard her speaking. Words were coming out of her vile mouth, but I wasn't listening to them anymore. I gazed down at the floor.

  'Just a fuck?'

  'Yes. And in all honesty David you're not the first person I've been with in a situation like this. Nor will you probably ever be the last. Every new journey brings a new crew together. These missions between planets can be long and tedious. Things can just happen if the right physical chemistry is involved. And I let things escalate that would or could never, ever, happen outside of this Shuttle. Don't you understand?'

  'So you kind of just used me, led me on then?'

  'No! Well... maybe just a little David! Jesus Christ. Why are we even having this conversation! Look, you're a good kid.' she replied giving me a comforting touch on the shoulder. 'But now you're coming out with all this love and neediness crap. I don't want it David. I don't need it. To tell you the truth it's a little bit pathetic.' Steffi moved her hand away from my shoulder. 'Go to your pod David and sleep... please.' Steffi turned away. When she was in mid turn I grabbed her back hard to face me. I felt so determined to win her heart that it overwhelmed me to be physical with her.

  'I love you Steffi. When I look into your eyes... I see an unbreakable bond between us. I see my future. I want to be with you. I really believed that what we did, what we had between us... Was the start of something... good.'

  Steffi wrestled herself free from my grip, pushing me violently away. So violent in fact that I fell back off my knees. I had to reach back my hands to support me from hitting the floor.

  'Just fuck off away from me David all right.' she snapped. 'I mean it. Get the hell away from me, right now! This is too much. It's too much.'

  She paused, calming herself.

  'Just go... Please... Just go and get ready for home. Please!'

  I fell silent. She really did want nothing more to do with me. Our brief fling and love affair in space was over. I clambered up onto my feet feeling completely distraught and heart broken. I stared hard at her but she refused to even meet my stare. I backed slowly away hoping desperately beyond hope she would somehow change her mind. That declaring my undying love for her was the right call. Now it was out there she could process it in her head. She'd call me back with teary eyes. Throw her arms around me. Tell me everything was going to be good between us while delicately covering my face and neck with delicious kisses all. But she did none of these things. I left the Shuttle control room alone.

  ***

  Back in the present I continued to sit back against the far wall of the dining area. Still deep in thought about Steffi's rejected love and Anna's second life inside her. I Pondered long and hard over these new memories and revelations. I had loved and longed after Steffi with all my heart and soul, but now those feelings meant absolutely nothing to me. So Ian had been her husband, my captain, my leader. Grumpy, hostile and lacking in conversation in our previous life. Now he appeared as some charming, sexual tormentor. A tormentor who only I could see. Toying with me, playing with my vulnerable feelings and emotions. Implanting suggestive thoughts and images into my mind like he were playing some sick and twisted game for his own morbid agenda. Then there was Anna! My sister. My darling sweet twin and fellow work colleague. Deeply in love with Mark. They were going to have a baby together. I was going to be an Uncle. But something had happened on the way home. Perhaps while we all slept peacefully in our pods perhaps not. We do know that some people had died. Now we were lost, stranded in this never-ending twinkling shit pit darkness called space.

  The lights flickered on and off a few more times before coming back on, still brighter, yet this time staying on. This was followed by a low humming that surged throughout the whole entire shuttle. Did we have the main power back? I heard Mark whooping in a delighted, buoyant tone from the inside of the control room.

  'We have full power! Woo Whooo.' He continued to cheer.

  A few moments later Mark stuck his big smiling bearded head through the kitchen doorway glancing in at me. I remained seated. Still drifting in and out of deep thought at the back of the dining area.

  'Hey buddy.' He said softly yet cheerfully.

  I stared up at him with a blank look. I was in no mood for smiles and cheerfulness at this particular moment. 'We got the main power back.' He continued. I nodded. 'I'm just gonna check up on Anna then hopefully we can get you started on the digital records. Give you something to do while I work on some other technical issues. You still up for helping me out with that big guy?'

  'Sure.' I replied numbly. 'I'll help.'
/>
  'Good stuff.' Mark smiled. 'I'll see you in the control room in five.'

  Mark headed back into the corridor. I listened carefully as he made his way towards Anna's bedroom at the far end. I quickly stood to my feet making my way towards the dining area exit. I kept myself hidden from view as I poked my head slowly into the corridor. I wanted to get a better listen at Mark's conversation with Anna. If it was like any of his previous other attempts then it would be another short lived and one sided conversation for sure.

  Mark double tapped the door. It slid open and he stepped cautiously inside. I could almost see the small and frail figure of Anna curled up into a ball upon the floor against the far wall, right in-between the two beds. She appeared to be holding her stomach, yet didn't look to be in any kind of distress or pain.

  'Hey!' I heard Mark say. 'How are you feeling?'

  Anna didn't answer. Mark crouched where he stood, lowering himself to Anna's view.

  'I know you must be feeling really scared right about now baby...' Mark continued. Although I could barely make out his words. 'But I swear to you, you are going to get better. I promise. You will start to remember again and you'll remember that we were happy together once upon a time. We were so, so happy.'

  Again Anna did not answer in her numb, zombiefied state and continued to stare out obliviously at nothing in particular.

  Chapter 16

  Mark sat at one of the main computers inside the control room. I stood wearily behind him watching him work. I was trying to act as interested as possible in his mundane tasks and actions. Of course at the beginning I'd been overly interested and excited in his work habits when he first started furiously typing away on these bizarre computer systems and touch screens. I really was keen to re-learn those skills I'd somehow forgotten. But not anymore. This brief shot of enthusiasm had long since deserted me. I was carrying too many dark and conflicting new thoughts, memories and secrets inside my head. Too many old memories were coming back with a vengeance that I still couldn't make head nor tails of, or even wanted too for that matter. They were there though none the less. A tumorous part of me forever, whether I wanted them or not. I felt a little more dead inside too with every waking second I spent in this place. And now with Mark taking forever to teach me the ins and outs of the computer system. I just wished to lie down somewhere again and be alone.